Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Welcome to Holland

This is on the side of our fridge. I remember filling it in at the beginning of every month.  I used it for appts, lunch dates, dinner dates, etc....  Last night, while walking past,  I took notice.  I mean-REALLY took notice. For the first time it hit me.  The month was March and the last thing on the calendar is 6pm-hospital.  We had absolutely no idea how much our lives were about to change.  I got sad.  I got emotional.  I cried.  It felt good. I cried for us-I cried for Tyler. I think every now and then, you need a good cry.  It's a release of all the crap.  The important thing is not to stay in that place of sadness. of pity. of crap.  I got my cry and now I'm over it.  I was reminded of something another mom of a WH child shared with me.  It's written by a mom who is often asked to describe raising a child with a disability and it goes like this:
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” ” Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …about Holland. by Emily Perl Kingsley

So for now friends, Tyler is doing great and I must remember on a daily basis to enjoy HOLLAND.